My eyes were itching terribly. All kinds of frantic thoughts flashed through my mind. Could it be the side effect of my immunotherapy treatments? Was there something seriously wrong with my eyes? Maybe a tumour behind the eye?

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That had been my rollercoaster journey since being diagnosed with stage 4 endometrial cancer in January 2019. I was told by my first oncologist that I had 6 months to 1½ years to live.

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I spent 3½ months in hospital undergoing treatment. I had lost my appetite as there was a large tumour pressing on my stomach, urethra and colon. I rapidly lost 11kg in the space of 7 months. Many days I wondered whether I would ever get well and leave the hospital.

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Life had taken its ‘normal’ trajectory before that – finish studies, work, get married, give birth to 3 sons, and look after my grandma and mother until they pass on. I was excitedly looking forward to age 55 when I would have access to my CPF savings. I would then not have to think twice before buying something nice for myself. I had plans to wind down, take a few long overseas trips to reward myself, work less and retire gracefully.

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But God had other plans for me. In September 2017, I coughed up a clump of fresh blood. I had a fright but chose to ignore it. I knew something was wrong but I was too scared to find out. I felt very alone then. I got weaker over the months but still carried on with my work and family commitments. By Christmas Eve in 2018, I was so weak that I had no other choice but to check into hospital.

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After 2 failed cycles of chemotherapy, 5 sessions of radiotherapy, and with no possible treatments in sight, my oncologist said, “Let’s try immunotherapy. We have nothing to lose.” After my first infusion in April 2019, I went home in a wheelchair. Dark clouds of uncertainty hung over me. Would the immunotherapy work to reduce the size of the tumour when all else had failed?

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At home and with lots of time on my hands, I started to read the Bible. I began to renew my connection with God which somehow had gotten lost along the way due to my ‘busyness’. I had literally left God outside the door of my life.

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As I delved humbly into the Word of God and His promises, I began to heal.

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I carried on with immunotherapy treatments once every 3 weeks and blood tests and reviews every 6 weeks. There would be sleepless nights before each review. God used that journey of healing to guide me on my journey of faith. He showed me what it means to trust in Him and to leave the uncertainty, worries and fears to Him to manage. My erratic blood pressure began to stabilise and my connection with God was strengthened.

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The immunotherapy began to work, but an operation was not on the cards until end-October 2019. I had a hysterectomy and the biopsy of the removed organs showed no more malignant cancer cells. It was a miracle!

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I am still learning to trust God fully. I now leave my future into His hands. I know that a relapse can happen anytime. But I also know that whatever happens, I do not walk alone. God was and is with me, gently teaching and healing me. I also know that, when the going gets too hard to bear, He will carry me. I am reminded often of this beautiful promise:

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Even to old age I am He, and even to gray hairs I will carry you. I have made, and I will bear. Yes, I will carry, and will deliver. Isaiah 46:4

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What more can we ask? We have a Heavenly Father who gave His dearest Son to die for each one of us. He offers a free ticket to Heaven to anyone who accepts Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross.

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I have had many ‘scares’ along the way – falling and fracturing my back, bleeding from knocks and cuts to my head and having unusual flashes in my eyes.

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Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. James 1:2-3

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God has indeed produced endurance in my life through my trials. I am grateful for the journey, though painful and scary at times. I have come to count every blessing, no matter how small, and be thankful for every breath of life I take. Every pang of hunger and thirst for water reminds me of how far God has taken me on my faith journey. They are God’s daily reminders to hunger after the Bread of Life and to thirst for the Living Water that are far more precious than anything this world can offer. To God be the glory! May His name be praised forevermore.